I had a lovely Christmas and New Year.
It was my sons 21st Birthday a few days before Christmas, 21st!
Wow it made me feel old and genuinely wonder how quickly the years have gone by.
But I am extremely proud of the man my son has become, and unbiasedly know that he is a man who will do well in life, because he works his tail off now in order to achieve his dreams.
He is, and always will be the best thing that has happened in my life.
I was able to go to my parents and have Christmas lunch and on Boxing Day spend time with my brothers, neices and nephews and my brothers lovely wife 🙂
Amidst the talking, joking around ( because all of us are jokers and cheeky remarkers) and eating I had a moment of feeling like the old me. I stopped and felt so much like me that it was scary but so exhilarating!
I haven’t felt like that in a very long time, haven’t felt ‘normal’. But with my family, I felt so happy to be there, to see them all and able to join in that I forgot that I am actually sick.
To be able to talk to my older neices and nephew and see how grown up the eldest neice is becoming, and how clever and cheeky my older nephew is and the spit of my brother!
I felt like the old me, carefree, happy, jokey, and being silly with my young nephew as I played with his Star Wars figures and discussing how if a ghost tried to drink water it would go through its body, and that zombies eat brains, but not mine because it’s too small.. :,)
It was good to feel that way, good to actually feel I am still me, that I am still me inside myself and to let that out.. Felt incredibly freeing 🙂
I felt greatful for the amazing family I have, felt greatful that I could manage to see them, and feel grateful for the genuine love and support we all give to one another no matter what.
Yes, I am still very ill. Yes, my mobility is so bad now that I lose the use of my legs in a weekly basis. Yes, I am still mostly bed and housebound.
But.
But, it’s the special moments like that which make me feel fortunate for what I do have, regardless of what I don’t.
That despite how sick I am, I know that I have far more good things in my life than I don’t have.
That many would love to swap places with me, and experience the love, support, and care of a family. To have a roof over their heads, a child and security.
To know that despite how bad things can be, I am never truly alone and never will be.
That, is worth far far more than what I don’t have health wise, and always will be no matter what the future brings.
🙂
Fibro and M.E 