New Year new hope

I had a lovely Christmas and New Year.

It was my sons 21st Birthday a few days before Christmas, 21st!

Wow it made me feel old and genuinely wonder how quickly the years have gone by. 

But I am extremely proud of the man my son has become, and unbiasedly know that he is a man who will do well in life, because he works his tail off now in order to achieve his dreams. 

He is, and always will be the best thing that has happened in my life. 

I was able to go to my parents and have Christmas lunch and on Boxing Day spend time with my brothers, neices and nephews and my brothers lovely wife 🙂 

Amidst the talking, joking around ( because all of us are jokers and cheeky remarkers) and eating I had a moment of feeling like the old me. I stopped and felt so much like me that it was scary but so exhilarating! 

I haven’t felt like that in a very long time, haven’t felt ‘normal’. But with my family, I felt so happy to be there, to see them all and able to join in that I forgot that I am actually sick. 

To be able to talk to my older neices and nephew and see how grown up the eldest neice is becoming, and how clever and cheeky my older nephew is and the spit of my brother! 

I felt like the old me, carefree, happy, jokey, and being silly with my young nephew as I played with his Star Wars figures and discussing how if a ghost tried to drink water it would go through its body, and that zombies eat brains, but not mine because it’s too small.. :,) 

It was good to feel that way, good to actually feel I am still me, that I am still me inside myself and to let that out.. Felt incredibly freeing 🙂 

I felt greatful for the amazing family I have, felt greatful that I could manage to see them, and feel grateful for the genuine love and support we all give to one another no matter what. 

Yes, I am still very ill. Yes, my mobility is so bad now that I lose the use of my legs in a weekly basis. Yes, I am still mostly bed and housebound.

But.

But, it’s the special moments like that which make me feel fortunate for what I do have, regardless of what I don’t. 

That despite how sick I am, I know that I have far more good things in my life than I don’t have. 

That many would love to swap places with me, and experience the love, support, and care of a family. To have a roof over their heads, a child and security. 

To know that despite how bad things can be, I am never truly alone and never will be. 

That, is worth far far more than what I don’t have health wise, and always will be no matter what the future brings. 

🙂 

Back :-)

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, nearly a month which I was surprised by when I checked!

The last month has been one of ups and downs, well days and a few really good days and the inevitable really bad days.

Mostly I haven’t been able to write due to the worsening of the sight in my left eye.
It’s now almost two thirds blindness, and I’ve been suffering with terrible headaches every day, to the point of them waking me.

But I do not want to give up my blog, and this pita will probably take a few days to right but get there in the end 🙂

My legs have also been waking me many times at night, they twinge then lock, and become totally dead.
Massage and heat help to get them moving again but it takes an hour or two to do so.

As you can imagine I’ve not been sleeping well! I feel as though I’m sleep walking through most days, so tired and body weary with my headache blighting me.

I now haven’t had a period for 5 months.. No idea why and I’m definetly not pregnant. I still get the stomach cramps, weight gain and sugar cravings but no actual period. It’s all a bit odd and I’ll talk to my doctor about it next week. I don’t feel more unwell, more pain in my hip and stomach but the bleeding I was getting has stopped.
It’s an odd one that’s for sure!

But, I am not unhappy at the moment, I’ve actually been calmer in myself and more playful in my manner.

My son was off work for a week last week so I got to spend quite a bit of time with him which was great . He works so much that most days I only see him early in the morning or when he finishes at night. So being able to play console games, watch programmes together and talk was brilliant 🙂

One huuuuuge achievement I had last week was having lunch with my mum then doing some Christmas shopping. I am used to my chair now and saw lots of people I know to wave to or chat.
This is a huge achievement and was like a dream come true!

You know how I love Christmas, and with my sons Birthday just three days before, the festive period is my favourite month.

I am just waiting on 2 parcels to be delivered and ill be all ready for Christmas! My house is decorated with lights, tinsel and christmas items for the first time in two years! It may be a bit OTT but I do not care! I love it, and it makes me so happy 🙂

I hope all is well with my fellow bloggers 🙂 I aim to go through everyone’s blogs and catch up with them and you 🙂