Changes

The last month plus has been a roller coaster of extreme downs and ups.

I’ve been quiet and keeping to myself most of the time because of this.

Health wise I’ve been working incredibly hard on trying to walk more, rest, pushing myself, pacing.

A few months ago I said about being able to read a bit and then had a complete reading block.
Well, I made myself read a tiny bit everyday, and write the it as I was going to try to make it stick in my head. Months and especially the last two weeks have paid off and I am now able to read much more which I am delighted about.

Yes it causes massive headaches, eye sight strain and sometimes frustration because I do forget things very easily. But, I am sticking with it and it is working! As a former book worm it’s so satisfying to be able to read pages instead of paragraphs, and I hope to eventually read as I used to 🙂

Along with the reading I have been building up my strength by walking everyday, no matter how bad my conditions are. Around the flat and taking my rubbish to the end of my landing Shute instead of the one next to me. Well, through this forcing I was able to get to my shop! Across the road! With my stick, and stopping so many times, and retching along the way but I made it! I have a noticeable limo nowadays, caused by my hip and back issues, I’m the pirate of my area 😉 but even with a limp I’m more upright than I was 😀

I was in bed for a few days after, and I find this happens if I walk/push too much. I walk to the Shute and need to rest for the rest if the day. Or walk around the house and need to, and the cramps, leg locking, numbness is still happening. But, it’s a massive achievement to me. Even if I can just get around the flat and to the shop once every few weeks and I’m in my chair for everything else, I feel this is enough at the moment.

I won’t skirt around the issue of being extremely down recently too. I have things going on in my personal life that have been really difficult, and juggling this, my appointments, bills, pushing myself, isolation, friends disappearing, painsomnia, trying to sort home improvements, trying to cope with my health issues.. It has kinda felt a bit much to deal with.

I don’t often get like this, usually I’m on an even keel and bat away problems as efficiently as I can.

I guess the last two years of bad health and all that it has entailed has caught up with me. But I am feeling better than I was and trying to stay on track with everything.

It’s difficult and I don’t like to feel as though I can’t face some days, but I’m aware of this and because I’m aware I can work on it.

I’ll get to my better place eventually 🙂

Another appointment over with

I didn’t blog yesterday as I was feeling really unwell.

My home assessment went well, I think! She arrived at 9.30am which I appreciated, not keeping me waiting for hours.
She was really pleased with all the photo copied letters and said they will make it so much easier during the descion making, and they will keep them on file.

She asked all the same questions that the form did, and a few of the answers were different as my condition has changed since I filled out the forms in February. But I also had proof of this and other things, such as I use a wheelchair, have and am deteriorating, my neuro problems and bedroom living through my doctors letter.

She did a slight medical at the end, but said she wouldn’t make me do the walking ones as it’s clear I can’t do them. She did sensitivity touch tests on my arms and hands, apparently I only felt a third of them. Then started doing them on my legs. Well, they were not having that. As soon as my leg was lifted off the floor they went into mad spasms that I then had all day, but she stopped straight away and said shall we try the left one. Of course that one started too! She left my legs totally alone and did it genuinely not as in, ohh you won’t do it but I can see you’re bad I’m not causing you more harm.

Then I had an eye test with similar cards as an optician but as my left eye has only had partial sight since Saturday that didn’t go great either. But ’twas fine and she understood.

Over all she was understanding, very empathetic genuinely so and very sympathetic. She was saying how isolating my life must be, how she’s keeping her fingers crossed for my claim and my home move happens really quickly.
She was not the dragon I was expecting and although she was here an hour and a half it didn’t drag nor at any point did I feel she was over bearing or not believe me.
So just the wait now to see if I’m accepted, it can take up to six weeks so I will have to just be patient, the worse of it’s over.

My eye pain was pretty bad yesterday, which caused a massive headache and then my pain kicked in and my muscle spasms due to the exam. I took myself to bed and eventually fell asleep until the evening, waking up feeling a lil better but still not great. So I was up until quite late, well early in the morning until the symptoms eased enough to enable me to sleep.

I have no appointments today, yay! Tomorrow is my x rays, ultrasounds and bloods so I’ll be at the hospital for a few hours. But that’s tomorrow, today I am taking to rest and recuperate a lil. Then after Wednesday it’s just a vitamin D injection appointment and that’s it for a month or so. I’m looking forward to the breathing space, it’ll be nice not to be constantly at the hospital and not be constantly examined and tested on 🙂