Changes

The last month plus has been a roller coaster of extreme downs and ups.

I’ve been quiet and keeping to myself most of the time because of this.

Health wise I’ve been working incredibly hard on trying to walk more, rest, pushing myself, pacing.

A few months ago I said about being able to read a bit and then had a complete reading block.
Well, I made myself read a tiny bit everyday, and write the it as I was going to try to make it stick in my head. Months and especially the last two weeks have paid off and I am now able to read much more which I am delighted about.

Yes it causes massive headaches, eye sight strain and sometimes frustration because I do forget things very easily. But, I am sticking with it and it is working! As a former book worm it’s so satisfying to be able to read pages instead of paragraphs, and I hope to eventually read as I used to 🙂

Along with the reading I have been building up my strength by walking everyday, no matter how bad my conditions are. Around the flat and taking my rubbish to the end of my landing Shute instead of the one next to me. Well, through this forcing I was able to get to my shop! Across the road! With my stick, and stopping so many times, and retching along the way but I made it! I have a noticeable limo nowadays, caused by my hip and back issues, I’m the pirate of my area 😉 but even with a limp I’m more upright than I was 😀

I was in bed for a few days after, and I find this happens if I walk/push too much. I walk to the Shute and need to rest for the rest if the day. Or walk around the house and need to, and the cramps, leg locking, numbness is still happening. But, it’s a massive achievement to me. Even if I can just get around the flat and to the shop once every few weeks and I’m in my chair for everything else, I feel this is enough at the moment.

I won’t skirt around the issue of being extremely down recently too. I have things going on in my personal life that have been really difficult, and juggling this, my appointments, bills, pushing myself, isolation, friends disappearing, painsomnia, trying to sort home improvements, trying to cope with my health issues.. It has kinda felt a bit much to deal with.

I don’t often get like this, usually I’m on an even keel and bat away problems as efficiently as I can.

I guess the last two years of bad health and all that it has entailed has caught up with me. But I am feeling better than I was and trying to stay on track with everything.

It’s difficult and I don’t like to feel as though I can’t face some days, but I’m aware of this and because I’m aware I can work on it.

I’ll get to my better place eventually 🙂