Just keep swimming

Which has been my motto this week as my body has been a bit up and down symptom wise.

I am having terrible pain in my lower back which means I cant sit up without my electric blanket over cushions so the heat can help soothe the pain. I has been slowly creeping in the last few weeks and has started to be daily accompanied by the hugging sensation in my chest.
My left side is still seizing and unseizing, from a few minutes to hours to days. I find it difficult to swallow when my neck is frozen, it feels as though there is something large and flat stuck in the left side of my throat, which there obviously isn’t.
The pain has upped again too, causing my limbs to shake and spasm and the lightening like striking has decided to travel from my head, down my shoulder blades and into my spine.

I really have no idea what my body is doing or why it is doing it. I do know that I am becoming increasingly annoyed by it and also slightly worried I am going to lose the use of the top half of my body as the seizing and freezing of my limbs are happening every day, and now travelling into my right arm and side.

I don’t usually worry about my aches and pains, but I won’t lie to you or myself that I am concerned I will wake up one day and not be able to move my body at all.

It used to take me half hour to be able to start getting out of bed in the mornings, which is slowly beginning to become longer and longer time wise, up to an hour for me to be able to move properly to get out of bed.
It’s a head scratcher for sure, one which I hope will go away before I have to phone the doctor for more diazapam.

On the plus side..

My partner put together my triple wardrobe and all my clothes are organised which is a brilliant help for me. Bless him, he spent the weekend doing it, even though he went into work early Saturday morning and he has a very demanding job. It was very difficult to put together, flat packs are the worse type of furniture!
But my bedroom now looks better than it ever has, and I have wooden blinds put on at the beginning of November which will be another item that will make my symptoms easier. My windows are over 8ft long, so you can imagine how much light it creates.But the blinds will keep the room dark and the nasty sun away. My light sensitivity has become worse, so the blinds will help so much.

My bedroom is my heaven and hell, but with these new improvements it will be more heaven 🙂

The park

Big news today, I went outside! To the park! 

Yes, it may well be a sign of the Apocolipse but I do not mind. I have mentioned how I have been feeling a bit better in the last two weeks since starting my new meds plus doing stretching everyday and a diet of fresh food and no junk food. All three combined have had a positive impact and I felt I wanted to try to go out and as there is a park literally up the road I decided on that. Half an hour later my partner and I were sat in the park, under a huge tree with the sun streaming through it and feeling beyond happy and amazed. It was and still is surreal, me sat in the park! Words cannot describe how good it felt to feel the sun on me, be outside and see the world around me. This may just be a good period as it’s known in the chronic world, but seeing as I have not had a good period at all since I become unwell, just a constant state of deterioration I don’t care. I was in a lot of pain when I got back, and had to rest up for the evening but still, it’s a massive step forward and one I hope to be able to repeat in the future. 

I also think the heat is helping me. Since the weather has become hotter my limbs have liked it, I myself hate the heat but my body responds well to it as the constant use of my electric blanket shows. I am not saying I have made a miraculous recovery, I am far beyond that but certain factors together do seem to be helping and for that I am extremely thankful and aim to enjoy it for as long as I can.

I am in a very happy, chirpy mood today and have been for awhile. I feel happier, more fun loving, not so down and dark as I recently was. It really shows too, my Mum, Dad, friend and partner have all said I seem so much happier, more like my old before illness self. I am joking about, playing lil jokes on people and laughing and smiling a lot more. I feel happier too, I am not acting happy as I have done so often in the past. My improved mood is genuine, I wake ready to face the day no matter how badly I hurt or feel I want to see what is in store for that day and not dread it as I had been doing a lil while back. This changed mood is due to a combination of things ; feeling better, stronger, doing a lot of thinking when I had a really bad patch a couple of weeks back, realising that I needed to make changes in myself as well as my life, tests that will solve a lot of uncertainty and looking after myself more. I am working hard on keeping positive no matter what crops up and I feel I am doing this genuinely not pretending to make people not worry about me. Of course my nearest and dearest will always worry to an extent, as I do about them when things happen, it’s unavoidable. But I hope the worry will be at a minimum with the recent changes and that for me will be the most important thing of all.