Back :-)

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, nearly a month which I was surprised by when I checked!

The last month has been one of ups and downs, well days and a few really good days and the inevitable really bad days.

Mostly I haven’t been able to write due to the worsening of the sight in my left eye.
It’s now almost two thirds blindness, and I’ve been suffering with terrible headaches every day, to the point of them waking me.

But I do not want to give up my blog, and this pita will probably take a few days to right but get there in the end 🙂

My legs have also been waking me many times at night, they twinge then lock, and become totally dead.
Massage and heat help to get them moving again but it takes an hour or two to do so.

As you can imagine I’ve not been sleeping well! I feel as though I’m sleep walking through most days, so tired and body weary with my headache blighting me.

I now haven’t had a period for 5 months.. No idea why and I’m definetly not pregnant. I still get the stomach cramps, weight gain and sugar cravings but no actual period. It’s all a bit odd and I’ll talk to my doctor about it next week. I don’t feel more unwell, more pain in my hip and stomach but the bleeding I was getting has stopped.
It’s an odd one that’s for sure!

But, I am not unhappy at the moment, I’ve actually been calmer in myself and more playful in my manner.

My son was off work for a week last week so I got to spend quite a bit of time with him which was great . He works so much that most days I only see him early in the morning or when he finishes at night. So being able to play console games, watch programmes together and talk was brilliant 🙂

One huuuuuge achievement I had last week was having lunch with my mum then doing some Christmas shopping. I am used to my chair now and saw lots of people I know to wave to or chat.
This is a huge achievement and was like a dream come true!

You know how I love Christmas, and with my sons Birthday just three days before, the festive period is my favourite month.

I am just waiting on 2 parcels to be delivered and ill be all ready for Christmas! My house is decorated with lights, tinsel and christmas items for the first time in two years! It may be a bit OTT but I do not care! I love it, and it makes me so happy 🙂

I hope all is well with my fellow bloggers 🙂 I aim to go through everyone’s blogs and catch up with them and you 🙂

Nightmares and eye patches

I’ve had a couple of days break as my headache has been constant and my eyesight shot.

Reading/writing has been a problem and continues to be. I have patched my left eye, the thought being if it rests for a day or so the sight will get better. Either that, or as my son said I’ll go blind! Oh the humour on that man.. 🙂 but I am going to risk it and persevere 🙂

I didn’t do much the last two days, or today so far. Rested, slept when I could and tried not too overdo things.

I had a horrible nightmare which woke me at 4am this morning with a jump and a banging headache! It was very violent, nasty and it hasn’t faded as the day has gone on as dreams usually do.
I have always had nightmares, for as long as I remember which is a very young age, this one was tame compared to some of them! It’s not due to emotional mood either, I can be in a happy period of my life but still have them several times a week.
I have no idea why, it’s just something that has always happened. It’s something I’m used to, I don’t like it but it’s a part of my stupid sleeping pattern. If it’s not pain waking me it’s nightmares!

I plan to make necklaces today. My pendent clips have finally arrived which means I can now put them together. I am very happy about this, it’s something I can do while laid down, well propped up in bed. I’ve a few orders for them, and I’ve ordered 5m of silver plated necklace/bracelet chain I have to cut to size. This gives me a chance to cut to size and it’s a cheaper option so I’m also looking forward to that delivery. It’ll be a couple of weeks yet, but I’ll have enough to do making necklaces and beaded elastic bracelets until then.

I’m happy to be spending some of my bed time productively. My hands are okay at the moment which is a bonus. I will be pacing myself though, and sticking to it! My relapse is still going strong and I won’t do anything to put that back. It’s not worth it. Pace, pace, pace.. If I was literally doing all this pacing I would’ve warn my carpets out! 😉

It’s neuro damage not confusion

This week is going to be one of total relaxation and looking after myself without guilt kicking in, I hope. I always feel as though if I say things like that im jynxing things, thanks superstition upbringing!  
I know I need total rest, my body is screaming in pain and muscles cramping. My speech is all over the place, I’m slurring words, mixing letters up in words and sentences. I’m having to really think about what I need to say so I make any kind of sense.
I do wonder what exactly is happening in my brain to cause this. When people say ‘oh you can get confusion with CFS’ I want to scream
1. It’s not CFS!!
2. It’s Neuro damage you #@€*!

Confusion is when you walk into a room and can’t remember what you went in for. It’s when you can’t think, not when you can’t talk or even remember what bread is called and what it’s used for.
It’s having constant fizzing at the base of your head, cracking everytime you move your head and massive headaches. It’s losing your sight, feeling as though your head is literally going to explode and you don’t care if it does just as long as the pain will go.

‘Confusion’ belittles the true definition and truth of the neuro damage ME causes. It’s bad, its awful and it’s scary. When you can’t control your own thoughts, words, sentences it is frightening beyond the words you no longer remember.
Yet worrying about it causes more confusion, headaches, frustrations that for me isn’t worth doing as I am trying not to trigger anymore blind episodes.

So this week I aim to relax my body and mind. Not to do anything I don’t absolutely need to do, and I am hoping doing this will help my escalating symptoms and debilitating health.
Fingers crossed! 🙂