Brain stuttering

So it’s the start of a new week, let’s hope it’s a good one full of nice surprises for all 🙂

My bed rail has not long been picked up, I hope it helps someone. The guy who picked it up was the same one who delivered all my home aides and put together my bath seat, so we exchanged pleasentaries and I’m sure he will be the one delivering anything else I need in the future.

I have a load of clothes staring at me waiting to be sorted out. Well they can wait, I’m resting up before even attempting to tackle the piles, I have to keep a hold on my ‘trying to sort everything’ trait or I’ll crash. A huge part of me is yearning to get stuck in, the part that has always been a good trait before as I used to be like lightening sorting and clearing up. Alas, this trait is now one of my worse as I need to ignore it and keep retraining my brain to my new position and capabilities in life.
It’s frustrating but no way near as bad as the crash I’ll get if I don’t heed cautiousness, so I just have to keep my brakes on. It’ll be worth it in the end.

I forgot what a fork was again the other day, and today couldn’t remember what a towel was. This happens frequently. I was putting clean towels aside and I picked one up and could not remember what it was, my mind was a total blank. I then started running through what it did in my head, it’s use, colour, scenarios when you use one but the word would not come. My brain started stuttering, my head started to ache and all I could do was try to break my thoughts down into words and keep picturing what a towel is used for. After 20 minutes I found the word and was jubilant, I might of even said ‘ ha in your face towel!’ Might of.. 😉

It’s odd when this happens though, and it happens a lot! It’s as though my brain has wiped all knowledge of the name or use, or both on bad occasions and trying to remember gives me a terrible headache. I literally have to sit, calm my thoughts and run through anything I can remember about an item and if I’m lucky it’ll come to me eventually.
This was put down to ‘brain fog’ first if all, a phrase used in fibromyalgia and m.e but as it’s become a lot worse and I have other issues ie ‘head seizures’ my doctor is waiting on my MRI results to see if it’s due to anything else.

Maybe it’s just old age creeping up on me, or at 33 my brain has decided it already knows enough.. That’s it, I could well have ego brain! I just thought that name up so my brain can’t be that bad! 😉

Tea, more meds and I need to start slowly sorting my stuff. Trying not to get distracted by items I find, which I have a habit of doing.. I’m standing ( well crouching) firm and soildering on, nothing will stop me! Apart from the shiny object I can see through the carrier bag.. Oh and maybe an earring I think is in there, but have lost the other one. Or it’s in another bag.. Hmmmm
😉

Room changing

Wow, this week has flown by!
It’s not due to being busy either, the days have all just gone without any rhyme or reason. Maybe it’s my age, time does seem to speed up as you get older.

I spent most of yesterday sorting my clothes out, ones to keep and others to donate. I don’t think I’ll ever be a size 6-8 anymore so I’m giving those jeans and tops to charity. I have so many clothes I do not wear/wouldn’t wear again it seems silly to store them when they could be put to use. My now everyday attire is shorts and vests , oh and slippers 🙂 yup I’m a fashion icon me.. 😉

My partner is changing the furniture in my room around today. I used to do this at least three times a year as I liked to have change, and even more so now as I spend most of my life in my room. I also get terrible headaches if the room is too light, I can’t afford to get black out curtains, my windows are 8ft across and I’ll be moving within two years so it’ll be a very expensive pointless purchase. So I have hung up old sofa throws at the windows, behind my curtains and tucked into the windows to keep them in place. It makes the natural light very minimal which keeps my headaches to a minimum so it’s a win win. But with my bed directly running along side the windows the minimum light does stream through at certain times in the day so my bed is being moved to stop this. It’ll be good to have a different lay out too, I may not be able to literally change my room but changing it around will help create a different room affect. This is good enough for me 🙂

No rest for the wicked

Today has been a busier day than usual. I have been pacing myself and am resting up for an hour now before I get up and try to sort a few more things. My blood results for some reason still haven’t been sent to my doctors and the hospital computers are down so they are sending them by post today, so I need to phone the doctors on Thursday to see if they are back and what they say. My guess is anemia I have had it several times and it would explain the constant tiredness of late. 

I am hoping to go out on Saturday for maybe an hour if I can manage it. There is a lovely pub/resturant literally just down the road where my partner is moving too and as it was the place of our second date, it holds good memories for us. I would love to be able to go there, and hope I will be well enough too, but I am trying not to get too excited as the disappointment I will feel if I cannot manage it will be great. I haven’t drank alcohol since October and although I was never a big drinker I do miss the occasional glass of wine in the evening. I don’t miss drinking and I haven’t drank for two reasons, one I am on so many different meds that say do not drink on the label, and two I have felt sick at the very smell of it recently. I was always more of a pint girl, which surprised a lot of people as I apparently don’t fit the image.. which in itself makes me wonder what that image is exactly. I was an original goth, and spent many years dressed in black, eye liner, lace up boots long dyed purple hair and wild make up. Over the years this has calmed down, but black is still my first choice of colour to wear and my wardrobe is full of it. Since becoming unwell I have started to wear lighter colour clothes, grey and blue mainly because it is very hard to find pjs in full black! This should be something that is changed, and if I had the energy to sew etc I would make my own clothes, all in black touched with grey. I for years bought clothes then adjusted the shape, hem, style myself as I have never liked wearing something everyone was wearing, I liked to add my own taste and style to my clothes. I scoured second hand shops and charity sells and picked up items I knew I could alter to my taste. I have sewed, changed my sons clothing too and he also likes to wear clothes different to the years style. I hope one day to be able to sew again, maybe by machine as this will save time and energy. I have also made curtains too and It’s something I have found very satisfying over the years and very soothing for me. 

It is half erm at the moment and the only reason I guessed that was because my upstairs neighbours kids have not shut up or stopped banging around for two days. I am not a person to expect total quietness from kids, I believe children should be children and run off their energy, get dirty in the park, anything that expresses their personalities and joy of life. Childhood is so short, it’s important to enjoy every second of it. What I do expect though is if you have four children, not to let them run around the home that is in a block of flats with elderly and unwell people from 6am til past midnight. I don’t know what the heck they are doing, it sounds as though they are dropping cannon balls on the floor or at the very least some kind of weight lifting equipment as the noise is horrific. Especially when I am in bed directly above the said noise trying to rest, relax and sleep. There is no chance of doing any off those things at the moment. Usually I would knock on there door, but as I can’t do that I will have to go to plan B.. Knock on my ceiling with a broom. Yup, as harsh as that seems, I cannot stand two weeks of this constant noise that is so bad my ceiling is shaking. If the said neighbour then knocks on my door to ask me to stop knocking on their floor then I can then talk to them about it. But until and if that happens, my broom will have to do. Rest and sleep are the main things I need and I am getting neither at the moment. It’s becoming a real problem and I have to do something to try to stop it. I am actually starting to get a twitch with the annoyance of the noise! Now where did I put that broom….