The park

Big news today, I went outside! To the park! 

Yes, it may well be a sign of the Apocolipse but I do not mind. I have mentioned how I have been feeling a bit better in the last two weeks since starting my new meds plus doing stretching everyday and a diet of fresh food and no junk food. All three combined have had a positive impact and I felt I wanted to try to go out and as there is a park literally up the road I decided on that. Half an hour later my partner and I were sat in the park, under a huge tree with the sun streaming through it and feeling beyond happy and amazed. It was and still is surreal, me sat in the park! Words cannot describe how good it felt to feel the sun on me, be outside and see the world around me. This may just be a good period as it’s known in the chronic world, but seeing as I have not had a good period at all since I become unwell, just a constant state of deterioration I don’t care. I was in a lot of pain when I got back, and had to rest up for the evening but still, it’s a massive step forward and one I hope to be able to repeat in the future. 

I also think the heat is helping me. Since the weather has become hotter my limbs have liked it, I myself hate the heat but my body responds well to it as the constant use of my electric blanket shows. I am not saying I have made a miraculous recovery, I am far beyond that but certain factors together do seem to be helping and for that I am extremely thankful and aim to enjoy it for as long as I can.

I am in a very happy, chirpy mood today and have been for awhile. I feel happier, more fun loving, not so down and dark as I recently was. It really shows too, my Mum, Dad, friend and partner have all said I seem so much happier, more like my old before illness self. I am joking about, playing lil jokes on people and laughing and smiling a lot more. I feel happier too, I am not acting happy as I have done so often in the past. My improved mood is genuine, I wake ready to face the day no matter how badly I hurt or feel I want to see what is in store for that day and not dread it as I had been doing a lil while back. This changed mood is due to a combination of things ; feeling better, stronger, doing a lot of thinking when I had a really bad patch a couple of weeks back, realising that I needed to make changes in myself as well as my life, tests that will solve a lot of uncertainty and looking after myself more. I am working hard on keeping positive no matter what crops up and I feel I am doing this genuinely not pretending to make people not worry about me. Of course my nearest and dearest will always worry to an extent, as I do about them when things happen, it’s unavoidable. But I hope the worry will be at a minimum with the recent changes and that for me will be the most important thing of all.