Positivities :)

This blog post is going to be about the positives I’ve been able to achieve recently.

Regular readers will know how my life and conditions are at the moment, the growing pain, worsening symptoms maybe misdiagnosis.

But no matter what is going on, how unwell I feel at times I have and do achieve positive things. They may not seem massive to some, but to me they’re small, hopeful and helpful events in my life that make me happy and feel a lil better about my situation.

I have been able to cook a couple of times this week.

Plain meals and mostly frozen foods but as I started the week unable to move the left side of my body at all this was a huge achievement for me.

I bought my fathers birthday present early, shhhh don’t tell him but I’ve bought him a Tablet.

Not a medical one 😉

He is desperate to understand and use the internet, but finds a PC or laptop too technical. He plans to buy one in the sells after Christmas, but I know he won’t and spend the money on others as he always does.

He does so much for me, my mum, our whole family and he deserves gold medals. I am incredibly lucky to have such a person to look up to, respect, and be his daughter. So for once he is going to be treated, and I will show him the basics, download apps and get him into the 21st century.

I’ve helped my son wrap some christmas presents this week too.

He has bought everyone’s presents and wants them to be wrapped and ready really early as he is working constantly and won’t have time to do it closer to christmas.
He is doing so well in his job, he is up for promotion again soon, does the accounting, deliveries, sorts orders in top of working in the shop, tills, deliveries.

I am forever proud of him, and happy to help wrap presents and get this sorted for him. He’s so great to me, helps and cares so much it’s a minor help I’m giving. But a big achievement to be able to twist my hands into wrapping style 🙂

I have done washing and made half my bed up with clean bedding! Ok it took nearly two hours but by gum I was determined to do it. Resting in between on the duvet, cushions as I went was very comfy too 🙂

In England there is severe poverty at the moment. It’s painful to see so many made redundant, homeless, not being able to feed their children because they have lost everything and can’t manage on the benefits they’re now on. Food banks have and are cropping up everywhere, and it maddens me that in this day and age this is happening. I won’t go on too much as I won’t hush about my views on our ‘government’.. Ha

So I donated to one of the many many food banks.

I have a lil saved from my back money for disability money and I wanted to give back to people who need it, as I have done over the years and especially struggled the last two years money wise not being able to work.

I will now be donating several times a year, with Christmas coming up even £10 of food makes a huge difference to people and families.

This week I was able to wash my hair and wash at the sink too!

Yes, I am becoming quite adapt at using my right side to benefit the non working left side of my body. I was so pleased and felt so much cleaner. I even managed to shave the bottom part of my right leg.. I look a lil odd with one hairy and one part smooth leg, but who cares! It’s a big achievement 🙂

I also joined Instagram which has opened up another world of communication with other spoonies which is great.

No matter what it is, whether washing a cup up or getting dressed these are huge achievements for us chronic illness sufferers. The effort to do anything is ten times the amount it took before illness struck.
Some days myself and others may only be able to get from bed to the bathroom and that’s ok too.
Every and any task is an achievement, no matter how small it may seem it’s an achievement we should be proud of.

I decided this to be a positive post, and I hope you don’t see it as boasting but see it as little achievements that make me feel I am not just a figure in bed, hidden from the world and life around me, but a person who is trying my darndest to do what I can and fitting my life around my disabilities.

These positive things made my week easier, my symptoms a bit easier to bare and even a lil proud of myself by being able to cook and wash my hair.
It’s the little things that count in life and I understand that now more than I ever did before.

Teenage Mum

Regular readers will know that I have a son of 19 years old and I am 33.

Now this isn’t me being vain and claiming to be younger, I really am 33 and care nought for age or vanity. I was a teenage Mum, having my son at 14 years old.

I hear so much bad press concerning teenage mothers, and having first hand experience of being a very young mum and knowing others that are I find this grossly unfair and untrue.

Just because you’re young, it doesn’t mean you’re or are going to be a bad mum. How many millions of mums are older yet don’t raise or treat their children properly? In fact, being younger usually makes you want to prove others wrong and raise our children as well as any other older Mother.

Also there is this ridiculous notion that young people become pregnant to claim money and housing. You cannot claim anything other than Child Benefit until you are 16 nor get housing until you’re 17. Even then most don’t as they have had to work to bring any kind of income to their family and continue to do so, they don’t just suddenly throw their jobs in and move into a house just because they’re an age to claim. That notion is as untrue as the person who told you that lie. Every parent recieves Child Benefit, regardless of whether they work or not so ‘claiming of the state’ is something all parents legally do.

I personally worked at the age of 14. I was receiving £14 a week, a tiny amount when you consider that had to cover nappies, milk, food, clothes etc for your child. It barely covered nappies. But I was grateful for the money and didn’t expect others to pay because I was a mother, So I worked anywhere I could in between school, college and being a Mum. I scrubbed toilets and am not ashamed of it, it put food in my child’s mouth and clothes on his back. I went to a teenage mum school and took my child with me, so my parents didn’t bring him up either which is another instant thought to people.

From the moment I was pregnant I loved it, I loved the thought of its life, of nurturing the growing of my child inside if me. I never once thought of an abortion, to me it just wasn’t something that was an option. I believe in abortion, I believe every woman should have the choice of whether they terminate a pregnancy. My choice was to keep my pregnancy and I never once regretted my decision.

The moment he was born the world stopped for me, it was just me and my son. No one else existed for me, the moment they put him into my arms I felt a surge of love that over powered everything I had every had in my life. From then I knew my son would be my life, I would do anything for him and raise him as best I could despite anything that happened in life.

That feeling is still inside me, that love has never once faded, no matter how old my son is he will always be number one in my life. I will always be here for him no matter what, regardless of anything going on with me.

Being a teenage or young mum doesn’t mean that you won’t or can’t look after your child. That you will neglect them and go partying, rely on benefits or have partners coming and going out of their lives.
I personally didn’t have a relationship for many many many years because I didn’t want to bring anyone into his life that would cause it harm or scar him emotionally if it turned sour.

Being a teenage mum actually turned my life around, made me responsible, grow up over night and have the burning desire to make sure he had everything I could give him, life wise and emotionally. And this is true of most teenage or young mums. I don’t know one person who neglected or harmed their child through bad parenting. The opposite is true, they worked extra hard to rid the stigma being a young mum had labeled them with.
I was at school, working and in college to make ends meet and ensure I had enough qualifications to get a better job. Everyone of these things were worked around my son, which meant working from 6pm to 4am most times as it was the only time my parents could watch him. But so what, what is tiredness compared to stability? It’s no contest at all.

Yes at times money was tight, we didn’t have the best furniture, home furnishings. But what does that matter? What we lacked in objects we more than made up for in love, stability and an extremely close relationship as it was always just us.

I know many people who had verbal abuse shouted at them, names tagged to them (tart, etc to rude to spell) and even total blanking from family members and people they knew. I had some of this too, but being an outspoken person who gave as good and better as I got it didn’t last long! But still, it is awful this happens.

To this day if I had a choice, I would do it all again. I have watched my son grow from a tiny baby to a toddler, child, teenager and now an adult who I am extremely proud of. He is a well rounded, intelligent, caring, well adjusted adult that I still sometimes can’t believe is now an adult. Can’t believe that such a person came from me because he is so brilliant.

I am not saying I was or am the perfect mother, I have made mistakes but I have learned from them. No parent comes with the perfect ability of how to raise their child, you learn as you go.

So no parent should be judged by their age. No parent should be judged at all, but helped or at least have understanding before being labeled. We spend too much if our lives judging others because what they do or are doing isn’t deemed ‘normal’.

There is no such thing as normal, we are all different, all lead different lives, all have things happen that others may never have happen to them.
Judging and criticising shows your character not theirs. So who’s the one in the wrong then..

Results

I’m very pleased to say I had my results and apart from my muscle swelling off the chart and really high white bloods cells still, they all came through clear! 😀

I phoned the hospital who told me my results were through but they couldn’t tell me them, it had to go through my doctors. So I phoned my doctors and got them to phone me yesterday morning, with the good news.
I am relieved, and now can look into pain/muscle meds to hopefully help me. I am researching different meds, it’s crazy I have to do this but if I didn’t I wouldn’t get them.

I’ve been rather unwell this week, I hurt from head to toe, my skin feels so tight and unbending I can hardly move properly. I’m still half blind too and the two week pounding headache continues.

Things are difficult at the moment because of this, any movement makes me bite my tongue to stop the urge to groan aloud due to pain. My constant headache and eye sight is making it incredibly hard to think or read, hence no post yesterday.

I was talking with my father and he was saying how there must be something they can do, they can’t just leave me this way. But the sad truth is, they can and will.

This doesn’t mean I will give up though. No way. I will research all drugs, treatment, foods etc that have shown to help and decide which ones to discuss with my doctor. I have no specialist appointments until late September and there is no chance that I am going to wait that long for some kind of relief.

Chronic conditions are so neglected, patients are neglected and told ‘there’s nothing we can do’ . This isn’t good enough and I refuse to be told there’s nothing more they can do. I will bug and bug them until I am satisfied all that can be done will be done.

My body may not work properly, my brain might be confused and stutter, I may be bed bound but I will not be left to rot in my bedroom. I will do and try anything at this point, even if that means using valuable energy and body functions.

I’m exhausted just writing that! Ha, but hey it’s worth it. At least my hands are being kind to me at the moment, I can still type 🙂
I am very happy about my results and feel positive about getting the help I need. My doctor is brilliant, I am incredibly lucky to have her and she is always happy to help in any way she can.

In other news, my sons girlfriend had her article published in the speakers corner section of our local paper. I will retweet the post on twitter, I encourage you to read it! It’s brilliant, and I’m not being bias 🙂 it may be a bit odd to say but I am very proud of her. She is an incredibly smart clued up 19 year old, and her writing skills show this. You’d never believe an adult if later years hadn’t if written it. My mum bought a few copies and gave one to me, it’s definitely one paper I will keep! 😀

Home assessment

Yesterday was a day of good news that totally overrode my crash.
I had a call from Atos they had a cancellation and offered me a home visit assessment on Monday!
I’ve been waiting nearly six months for this, and said yes immediately. An assessor will be here between 9-11am. My father will be here to help get me downstairs, open the door and stay during the assssment. He is also going to photo copy all my proof letters, my me and fibro diagnosis, specialist letters, appointments, home move, doctors letter, ESA assessment letter etc and give to the assessser so they can put them towards my claim. I have no idea if they accept photo copies but I also have the originals to show.
I am relieved and apprehensive at the same time. But I also know I am not lying or hiding anything from them so I hope they see and understand that.

The second good news, not in order, is about my son. He got a promotion!
He had the interview on Monday and they phoned him yesterday afternoon. He didn’t get the promotion he went for but they gave him another as the person is leaving in a few weeks, so they offered him his job! He is now in charge of technology in the store and has to go away with managers every few months on talks, tech side of things..
I am so proud! His first job, he hasn’t been there a year yet, and has been out five weeks with his broken foot. But he’s been promoted! And quite rightly, in my bias opinion 😉 though he does do overtime if someone’s unwell at a moments notice, is working in the offices sorting orders and stock and never takes sick days or time off, apart from recently and he was made to due to his break.
I even got a lil emotional when he told me, mothers love and pride eh! 😉

I am still very unwell, but the good news has made me keep smiling. I am starting on codeine again, a bit early but the oramorph isn’t enough and the pain is too much. Hopefully it’ll help! 🙂

My mother and sister are coming to visit this afternoon which will be great. Seeing them is always fun, no matter how I am.
All I need to do is get downstairs, a challenge but with a lil help possible! 🙂