Restless

I don’t know if it’s a good sign or not but I have been getting increasingly restless about my lack of achievements recently.

The last two years have been the only time I have not been in education of some kind, I loved learning and became restless if I didn’t.

From psychology to art to history to how things are in the word and anything and everything I could stuff into my brain! I soaked it up and it was for future work, but also myself I have a real yearning to know things and it gives me great pleasure and satisfaction.

Now of course I can’t keep whether someone asked for tea or coffee in my head, let alone when and how wars were fought and were.

I find this lack of retaining information beyond frustrating, it really gets to me and it must be so annoying for others when I constantly ask the same questions over and over again because what they told me has simply gone. Totally erased from my memory, within seconds or hours of being told.
Gawd knows where it goes, maybe the mind fairy.. One who steals information and memories from me while I’m not looking… A really really mean fairy! :O
Ha 😉

Seriously though, I miss learning I miss feeling the achievement of it and also I feel stuck in a rut life wise.

I always imagined by this age I would own my own home, have a decent paying job and living pretty comfortably. Not rich but not having to worry if a bill came in. I studied for years to fulfil this dream, to become a psychiatrist and help others was and is still my main aim. But the money would’ve made life comfortable too.

Then I found myself moving into genealogy, I’ve always loved history and found I was good at it and helping trace family trees was brilliant. Still I didn’t let go of the psychiatry but continued to study it along side the genealogy. I was capable of doing this, and have three books on the go too, all at once. My brain soaked up everything, I was a complete book worm always having three books at a time I was reading, one in the kitchen, one in the front room and one in the bedroom. I was able to read them as I was in different rooms, never losing track of the stories.

Now I can’t remember what day it is without checking several times through out the day.

Now restlessness has kicked in and I yearn to be studying, reading, learning. I feel as though I’m existing, stuck in a void that only changes die to the massive different symptoms I have daily.

But I have made a decision. I am looking into doing a very short online course.

My sons girlfriend mentioned a site that does them a few weeks back. She is planning to do one while she waits for her university place.
They’re between 4-8 weeks long and only 4-8 hours a week depending on the course.

This would wean me back to very slowly building up my memory again, test my brain and see how it copes with new information. I aim to do a history one, I figure that if it’s about something I have a passion for it might help me a lil more. Plus they’re free, which is brilliant seeing as there is no spare money for anything, let alone experimental things.

I can only try and if I do fail, well at least I tried. It has to be better than this feeling of moving nowhere fast.

And who knows, maybe one day I will finish my last two years of both or either diplomas. Even be able to go back and work as I learn.
It seems like a long shot but I’ve never been afraid of taking chances, one day I might even take over the world!!

Hmmm.. Ok, Maybe a lil to forward thinking.. I’ll stick to the short online course for now… 🙂