Teenage Mum

Regular readers will know that I have a son of 19 years old and I am 33.

Now this isn’t me being vain and claiming to be younger, I really am 33 and care nought for age or vanity. I was a teenage Mum, having my son at 14 years old.

I hear so much bad press concerning teenage mothers, and having first hand experience of being a very young mum and knowing others that are I find this grossly unfair and untrue.

Just because you’re young, it doesn’t mean you’re or are going to be a bad mum. How many millions of mums are older yet don’t raise or treat their children properly? In fact, being younger usually makes you want to prove others wrong and raise our children as well as any other older Mother.

Also there is this ridiculous notion that young people become pregnant to claim money and housing. You cannot claim anything other than Child Benefit until you are 16 nor get housing until you’re 17. Even then most don’t as they have had to work to bring any kind of income to their family and continue to do so, they don’t just suddenly throw their jobs in and move into a house just because they’re an age to claim. That notion is as untrue as the person who told you that lie. Every parent recieves Child Benefit, regardless of whether they work or not so ‘claiming of the state’ is something all parents legally do.

I personally worked at the age of 14. I was receiving £14 a week, a tiny amount when you consider that had to cover nappies, milk, food, clothes etc for your child. It barely covered nappies. But I was grateful for the money and didn’t expect others to pay because I was a mother, So I worked anywhere I could in between school, college and being a Mum. I scrubbed toilets and am not ashamed of it, it put food in my child’s mouth and clothes on his back. I went to a teenage mum school and took my child with me, so my parents didn’t bring him up either which is another instant thought to people.

From the moment I was pregnant I loved it, I loved the thought of its life, of nurturing the growing of my child inside if me. I never once thought of an abortion, to me it just wasn’t something that was an option. I believe in abortion, I believe every woman should have the choice of whether they terminate a pregnancy. My choice was to keep my pregnancy and I never once regretted my decision.

The moment he was born the world stopped for me, it was just me and my son. No one else existed for me, the moment they put him into my arms I felt a surge of love that over powered everything I had every had in my life. From then I knew my son would be my life, I would do anything for him and raise him as best I could despite anything that happened in life.

That feeling is still inside me, that love has never once faded, no matter how old my son is he will always be number one in my life. I will always be here for him no matter what, regardless of anything going on with me.

Being a teenage or young mum doesn’t mean that you won’t or can’t look after your child. That you will neglect them and go partying, rely on benefits or have partners coming and going out of their lives.
I personally didn’t have a relationship for many many many years because I didn’t want to bring anyone into his life that would cause it harm or scar him emotionally if it turned sour.

Being a teenage mum actually turned my life around, made me responsible, grow up over night and have the burning desire to make sure he had everything I could give him, life wise and emotionally. And this is true of most teenage or young mums. I don’t know one person who neglected or harmed their child through bad parenting. The opposite is true, they worked extra hard to rid the stigma being a young mum had labeled them with.
I was at school, working and in college to make ends meet and ensure I had enough qualifications to get a better job. Everyone of these things were worked around my son, which meant working from 6pm to 4am most times as it was the only time my parents could watch him. But so what, what is tiredness compared to stability? It’s no contest at all.

Yes at times money was tight, we didn’t have the best furniture, home furnishings. But what does that matter? What we lacked in objects we more than made up for in love, stability and an extremely close relationship as it was always just us.

I know many people who had verbal abuse shouted at them, names tagged to them (tart, etc to rude to spell) and even total blanking from family members and people they knew. I had some of this too, but being an outspoken person who gave as good and better as I got it didn’t last long! But still, it is awful this happens.

To this day if I had a choice, I would do it all again. I have watched my son grow from a tiny baby to a toddler, child, teenager and now an adult who I am extremely proud of. He is a well rounded, intelligent, caring, well adjusted adult that I still sometimes can’t believe is now an adult. Can’t believe that such a person came from me because he is so brilliant.

I am not saying I was or am the perfect mother, I have made mistakes but I have learned from them. No parent comes with the perfect ability of how to raise their child, you learn as you go.

So no parent should be judged by their age. No parent should be judged at all, but helped or at least have understanding before being labeled. We spend too much if our lives judging others because what they do or are doing isn’t deemed ‘normal’.

There is no such thing as normal, we are all different, all lead different lives, all have things happen that others may never have happen to them.
Judging and criticising shows your character not theirs. So who’s the one in the wrong then..

But you are too young to be so ill..

That is what every one has said to me when seeing me in a wheelchair or finding out I am unwell and live as I now do.

One couple who I spoke to while waiting for the taxi to take me to my assessment last week got quite upset about what has happened. I have known them over 16 years, they are a lovely couple in their 80s and they live on the same landing as me, just a few doors down. They have seen how my son has grown from a 3 year old to a man and always say what a good lad he is and how proud I must be, which is true. The lady stopped and chatted for awhile and said she hadn’t seen me around and wondered what was wrong as I was always out and about and always up early when she was, and got very upset that I am unwell and in a wheelchair. She said how unfair it is and I didn’t deserve it, I was such a good person and when her husband came out he said the same offered help anytime I need it and got upset too. Which in turn made me upset, which I hid but the lump in my throat was there! Here is a couple in their 80s but more spry than most 20 year olds, seriously you would never believe they were that age in looks or ways. But they at 80 are offering me help, which is really sweet and kind of odd at the same time. As in, I am 33 but may need the help from them at their age, it should be the other way around. 

Which in most cases is true, but chronic conditions care nought for age or capability , they strike you down and disable you at any age they choose. They make your body old, unable to work and yes I can see why people say I am too young to be like this. But on the other hand, there are people much much younger than me with chronic conditions, kids, teenagers and I feel that is the most unfair if there is to be an age label. It is bad enough fighting doctors, consultants,medical professionals to get the help we need let alone on top of them schools, school boards, teachers, etc.. And this is what happens, I have heard so many times parents having to fight tooth and nail for their children who have M.E but who aren’t believed by these people and instead are labled ‘lazy’. Or parents being labled as nuisances, over protective and even looked in to by social services because of it! It is crazy, seriously upsetting and what families and children must go through is horrifying, my heart goes out to them. 

Illness cares nothing for age, I read that many years ago, but until I became unwell with my conditions I never really understood the true meaning of the saying. But that’s the way with many things in life, until you have experienced it you never truly understand how anything is. Life can be cruel, it can feel as though you have had more than enough to deal with without the inevitable pressures on top. and more so when you see people living the life of riley with no worries, problems or sacrifices. I myself have thought this at times, knowing people who are horrible, cruel, nasty but seemingly getting away with murder and happily doing so with no problems or worries. But, do we truly know what happens behind closed doors for people? Is the seemingly happy life they lead just that, seemingly happy? We all have our crosses to bear, some are just more obvious than others, such as ill health as it shows in the way we are, look, aides we use. I don’t truly believe anyone is without problems or heartache in their lives, it’s just easier for some to hide it, cloak it over than others.