Shoo Flu

Yes, I have flu back again if it ever went away, and another sinus and ear infection.

But but but, I want to share some great news before I start complaining.. 😉

My smear was clear! yay!

I am so very relieved, now I know it is my Endometriosis kicking in I can start dealing with it. I can handle anything if it means I am not facing treatment for cervical cells. That would have been really really bad on top of my current conditions.
Yes, it is still not great that I am having such severe symptoms all rolling in with my other ones, it is making me sicker. But, no cancer cells means a very happy Stacey regardless of having to deal with more symptoms 😀

I just cannot seem to shift this flu, I felt I was getting over it on Friday/Saturday but Sunday it was tricking back and Monday morning I woke with my ear stuck to the pillow due to leaking mucus and full of phlegm, temperature, my eyelids and face swollen due to the sinus infection. The pain has become constant and severe, plus the seizing in my neck, shoulder and arm was back.

I phoned the doctor to ask for antibiotics and he gave me more Diazepam too. I cannot talk to my doctor for two weeks so I will have to wait to ask about trying new meds, but the locum I spoke to was nice. He actually asked what I would like, what helps me.. I so wanted to say, I will have two of every med you have please.. hehe but I held back and asked for Amoxicillion instead knowing this antibiotic works eventually.

Why do they make tablets so huge though? It is as though they are trying to prove they are powerful drugs by the shear size of them.
Swallowing is a big problem at the moment as the left side of my neck is frozen, it feels as though I am swallowing a brick! Most of my meds are big tablets, at this rate I will be able to build an internal house at the end of my antibiotics..

My Fathers Birthday went really well. He loved his tablet and is now becoming a pro at surfing the internet! I am so pleased he is getting on so well with it, it definetly keeps him occupied 🙂

I am so behind on everything due to this flu. I need to sort buying the last of my Christmas presents, start getting Christmas food in, sort a delivery to the food bank, pay bills, sort a savings account, my funeral plan,housework, sort new shower, flooring, kitchen wall cabinets and lots and lots more.
I have time for the Christmas food and gifts, but all these little things are piling up and my body is on full strike at the moment. I get so frustrated by it, I would have gotten it all done in two days max before and now I cannot function long enough to dial a number let alone anything else.

I really need to sort something about a cleaner or carer to come in, maybe after Christmas.
I am finding it increasingly difficult to stay on top of housework, cleaning, washing up etc..
My son is more than happy to help, but he now works up to 40 hour weeks starting at 6.30am and there is no way he can look after the house, me, as well as his working so many hours.

I do not want my illnesses to take any more of his time and life than they already have and do.
There is no way I will put anymore onto him than I already do, and I can now get carers allowence so I think I should start seriously looking into it. I have a friend who is carer to his Mother so I have an idea of how it works, it is just being well enough to arrange it all.

I am stressing about everything too much, which is unusual for me. Not being able to do much but be stuck in bed gives me too much time to think. Plus being up most nights too. My brain is trying to kill me with thoughts, ideas and stress!
It won’t win though.
As soon as my eyes go down, my ear stops pounding and my flu dries up I will be back on the ball rolling from one item to another. Maybe a little wobbly on that ball but in the end, I will get off put it away and be able to relax. 🙂

Hazy times

I spent most of yesterday in a haze of headache, sleeping and head lapses. Feeling as though everything was happening in de ja vu, it’s really not a pleasant feeling.
Today I still feel hazy, everything seems unreal and out of synch.
These head lapses make me extremely exhausted after, very tired and unable to concentrate. My MRI scans can’t come quickly enough for me now, I want to know if it is some kind of damage or the M.E doing this.
It’s a really sunny day here, with my electric blanket on too im really hot.. But needs must, I cant move well without this constant heat.
I’m planning to visit my parents on Tuesday, it’ll be the first time I’ve been there since the beginning of March. It’s actually the last time I went out to something that wasn’t an appointment, I only just realised that! I do love my parents house, it’s the one I grew up in my parents have lived there for 43 years, it holds so many memories. Since my parents have retired my mum has been sorting the garden out, planting flowers, getting it tidy for her and the family, and we have a very big family! The garden is over 100ft, very hard to keep it tidy, my dad does the weeding etc and my mum sorts the pots, plants etc. She suffers from arthritis, has had to stop work because of it and struggles to do things. But the garden has become her focus and she really enjoys it, it’s good to see her do something that makes her happy.
I’m really really hoping that I’ll be able to go there, I will get to see my sister too which is an added bonus. Fingers crossed, touchwood and bundles of lucky heather I will be able too and spend a few hours with my mother, father and sister and sit happily in a house that was home for so long and always will be.

Sleep waking

I hate the term CFS as many of you know, it’s a name coined by american doctors and banded about causing misconception and mis diagnosis of the realities of the true M.E condition. M.E means inflammation of the brain and spinal cord, not simple chronic fatigue. But you do experience extreme tiredness with M.E and this is a problem. Added onto that Fibromyalgia also causes extreme tiredness, having the two conditions and both extreme tiredness symptoms is, to put it in a nutshell, awful. It’s exhaustion that never goes, you go to bed tired and wake more so, which is on the outside prospective rather ridiculous. How can you sleep for 12 hours and wake more tired than when you went to bed. But trust me, and millions of sufferers, it is true. If you’ve ever been so tired that your body aches, head hurts, you cannot think straight and you feel as though you are walking in wet sand then you go to bed and sleep and in the morning it has all gone and you feel refreshed and better right? Well, when you have M.E or Fibro or both, you go to bed and wake up feeling exactly the same and each day is a constant replay of it, groundhog day with no respite. I constantly go to bed, close my eyes and I wake and feel as though I have literally just closed my eyes and it’s morning. It feels like seconds, no matter how long I have actually slept for, I never feel as though I have slept at all and add painsomnia on top of that and it is and has become a waking nightmare.

Sleep has become the one major thing I yearn for. Well, feeling like I have slept and waking refreshed. I can honestly say, I put my craving for sleep higher than I do want to ease any other symptom, which may sound crazy. But I could handle the pain, the muscle locking, spasms, neuro problems, shakes, numbness if it meant I could sleep and wake feeling refreshed. I would put sleeping above my wanting the other symptoms to get better, because sleep is the bodys way of healing and of healing the mind too yet I never feel this is happening because of the way I feel constantly exhausted. It’s as though I am sleep waking, which I coined one morning as I woke once again in total agony and tiredness. It is as though you are sleepwalking all day but you’re awake. By the way, if I see that phrase used on the internet by others, then I will want my Trade Mark recognition o.k! 😉

Today in England it is Bank Holiday Monday, May day to be precise. Many many people are happy for the long weekend they have because of this, but as I no longer work it is just another day blending into all the others. But it does stir up memories of dancing around a huge Maypole in school when I was a child. Each child was called into the dancing, given a very long piece of satin and joined in the dancing around, singing and wrapping the satin ribbon around as you went. When you had successfully managed to wrap your entire ribbon around the maypole you grabbed another piece and handed it to the next person called in. The highest of excitement was being called in twice to wrap ribbon, and I remember doing this on several occassions and feeling so important and happy to be doing it twice. I can still feel the pleasure it gave me, the feeling of importance, responsibility and fun. There will be no dancing of any kind or any maypole today, but the memories of that time and May Day will always give me happiness. For me May Day will always be a day I catch myself smiling thinking about the times many years ago the simple act of being given a second ‘go’ at the Maypole made a chubby, uncertain, not very popular young girl feel so very important and happy.