This week is going to be one of total relaxation and looking after myself without guilt kicking in, I hope. I always feel as though if I say things like that im jynxing things, thanks superstition upbringing!
I know I need total rest, my body is screaming in pain and muscles cramping. My speech is all over the place, I’m slurring words, mixing letters up in words and sentences. I’m having to really think about what I need to say so I make any kind of sense.
I do wonder what exactly is happening in my brain to cause this. When people say ‘oh you can get confusion with CFS’ I want to scream
1. It’s not CFS!!
2. It’s Neuro damage you #@€*!
Confusion is when you walk into a room and can’t remember what you went in for. It’s when you can’t think, not when you can’t talk or even remember what bread is called and what it’s used for.
It’s having constant fizzing at the base of your head, cracking everytime you move your head and massive headaches. It’s losing your sight, feeling as though your head is literally going to explode and you don’t care if it does just as long as the pain will go.
‘Confusion’ belittles the true definition and truth of the neuro damage ME causes. It’s bad, its awful and it’s scary. When you can’t control your own thoughts, words, sentences it is frightening beyond the words you no longer remember.
Yet worrying about it causes more confusion, headaches, frustrations that for me isn’t worth doing as I am trying not to trigger anymore blind episodes.
So this week I aim to relax my body and mind. Not to do anything I don’t absolutely need to do, and I am hoping doing this will help my escalating symptoms and debilitating health.
Fingers crossed! 🙂
Fibro and M.E 