Nightmares and eye patches

I’ve had a couple of days break as my headache has been constant and my eyesight shot.

Reading/writing has been a problem and continues to be. I have patched my left eye, the thought being if it rests for a day or so the sight will get better. Either that, or as my son said I’ll go blind! Oh the humour on that man.. 🙂 but I am going to risk it and persevere 🙂

I didn’t do much the last two days, or today so far. Rested, slept when I could and tried not too overdo things.

I had a horrible nightmare which woke me at 4am this morning with a jump and a banging headache! It was very violent, nasty and it hasn’t faded as the day has gone on as dreams usually do.
I have always had nightmares, for as long as I remember which is a very young age, this one was tame compared to some of them! It’s not due to emotional mood either, I can be in a happy period of my life but still have them several times a week.
I have no idea why, it’s just something that has always happened. It’s something I’m used to, I don’t like it but it’s a part of my stupid sleeping pattern. If it’s not pain waking me it’s nightmares!

I plan to make necklaces today. My pendent clips have finally arrived which means I can now put them together. I am very happy about this, it’s something I can do while laid down, well propped up in bed. I’ve a few orders for them, and I’ve ordered 5m of silver plated necklace/bracelet chain I have to cut to size. This gives me a chance to cut to size and it’s a cheaper option so I’m also looking forward to that delivery. It’ll be a couple of weeks yet, but I’ll have enough to do making necklaces and beaded elastic bracelets until then.

I’m happy to be spending some of my bed time productively. My hands are okay at the moment which is a bonus. I will be pacing myself though, and sticking to it! My relapse is still going strong and I won’t do anything to put that back. It’s not worth it. Pace, pace, pace.. If I was literally doing all this pacing I would’ve warn my carpets out! 😉

Waiting on my specialist

Yesterday continued to be pleasent. My son bought a table and chairs set, and I had my first meal sat at the table with him yesterday.
I have missed not having a table to eat at when I can, most of my meals are eaten in bed. So sitting at a table to salad and chatting with my son was brilliant, it’s the moments like that which makes the whole day brighter 🙂

Last night was a bad one pain wise. It had been niggling all day, but by 8pm it decided to rev up the fun! I didn’t sleep until 4am ish and I’m tired and a tad irritable on top of the pain. I certainly wasn’t impressed with the intense pain, but and at one point I recalled a programme I watched as a kid, someone chopped off their own leg because they were in so much daily pain they couldn’t cope with it anymore. Of course my brain then went to ridiculous imagination mode as it tends too and I wondered if I would ever get to that point. How I would manage with no legs, as it would have to be both. And would I stop there or start hacking at other areas, my left arm, right hand and how I would make a cuppa tea, get to the bathroom, down the stairs. In the end I imagined just having a torso and head, though I’d cut the pain and neuro damage parts out of the brain.. I got the giggles at that part, imagining my self with half a brain showing through my head.. Much like Ray Liotto in Hannibal.
I decided to stop that kind of thinking as it wasn’t helpful, but the giggles cheered me up and distracted me for a bit. A friend once said to me my imagination would lead me to the money or prison, neither have happened yet but you never know ;,)

I have an appointment with my pain specialist later today, I will discuss what other pain meds I could try because they don’t work at all again. I even upped the dose last night and still nothing. It again feels as though my bones are aching, along with my usual pain. I’m sure something else can be tried pain med wise, and my neuro meds are continuing to help my seizures become less often throughout the day which is great. So half the new meds are working is good news 🙂

Not too much planned for today, I’m not able to walk very well and my muscles are all really tight. I can’t take codeine due to the pain meds so I’m just on paracetamol and oramorph to take the edge off. I say edge, it’s more like trickle off. But again hopefully there are other options and I just need to talk to my specialist, very soon.. Very very very soon!

Priorities

I may sound a bit harsh, but I am getting more and more annoyed by people who over dramatise the smallest of things.

I’ve never had much tolerance for it, I’ve always seen it as attention seeking. But now it’s become a huge annoyance when people exclaim, oh I’ve got a headache I hate my life…
A headache? Really?? Your life is so awful because of a headache.. You poor thing!! Don’t mind that there are people in the world dying of starvation, war, diseases, you have a headache! You poor thing! Wow, life must be so awful for you! ……
No.
You have a headache, take some paracetamol and hush, stop attention seeking and get your priorities in order! I know it’s gotten worse since I’ve become more unwell, and I do find myself wishing the only thing I had to worry about was a headache, being late for an appointment, can’t afford the new shoes I’ll simply die without..

I try not to get annoyed as this only causes me to use energy I really can’t afford to waste. I try to put in place the techniques and understanding I learnt when doing psychology, that each person is different and it may not be a cry for attention but one of help.
But when you’ve spent a night up in agony, being sick due to pain and seizures, can’t walk, feel certain limbs and unable to urinate properly my understanding and patience goes out of the window.

I do feel bad about this at times, that I am being too harsh. That I am becoming less intolerant and quicker to anger. That I need to step back and understand everyone is different and some people don’t cope as well as others. But I tend to get only half way through these thoughts and then become frustratingly angry. I delete the person/newsfeed of that person if it’s happened on numerous occasions, and that helps.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Am I being too harsh? Or is this a reaction that many people with chronic conditions feel?

I sound really angry today! But I’m actually not, far from it. I’m happy, content and at ease. It’s just a bug bear of mine, one that is occurring most days and I needed to get it out 🙂
I am a lil poorly today, but I expected that after yesterday. But again it’s not as bad as it once was, I’m not laid in a dark room unable to move or think.
I am going to make some necklaces today and a bracelet for a niece of mine. She’s put in an order for a butterfly one 🙂 here’s some pictures of what I’ve been making, they are also going to be used for bracelets, several different types of different coloured skull heads, butterflies peace signs and different coloured cord.

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This will keep me busy and out of trouble for a few hours ;D