Nearly the weekend :)

I woke with a jolt this morning, one minute I was dreaming about being on holiday with my family the next I was wide awake and confused as I was still in a dream state. I laid there for a few minutes coming to my senses and for getting I had woken with a jolt went to get out of bed. I then realised why I had woken so ubruptly, I had massive back ache that shot a jolt of pain through me as soon as I went to sit up. I was half in bed and half out of it, waiting for the pain to subside as I wondered if I should get up or lay back down again. Well, my bladder won that one and I decided to move as quickly as possible to minimise the pulling pain, I did so and nearly fell over due to the intensity of the lightning like bolt that shot through me. Added to that I also woke with totally stiff hands that wouldn’t bend and I won’t go into detail on how my bathroom visit was, but just say that it took much longer than usual and I could of won a prize for the contortion act I did while on the toilet.

Months of no major symptoms of Endometriosis and now suddenly it’s back with avengence. The back pain is a big part of it, as is the pain in my pelvis that is currently causing me to limp. I had a very bad infection in my pelvis which was brought on by treatment and because I didn’t realise I had an infection until I had a massive bleed one day it went undeteacted for three weeks. Slowly spreading until the treatment was far worse than the cure. My pelvis has never been the same since, and I used to suffer really badly with pain, limping, bleeding backache until my ME and Fibro conditions took over and pushed it in the background. Now not only am I having terrible back and pelvis pain but I am bleeding constantly, sorry for that if squimish guys! It’s as though now my leg locking has eased up the Endometriosis has decided to rear it’s head, not gently but straight to the worst symptoms. My body is well and truly messed up inside, I do dread to think how I will be in 30 years time if it’s as bad as it is now. I guess only time will tell, literally!

Today begins the start of a long weekend spent with my partner. He works such long hours in the week, and as we don’t live together week days can only be a few hours at a time spent together. Which is still great, but this weekend is totally ours, neither of us have to do anything, no commitments etc so it’ll be lovely to have time together until Tuesday. It will be our year anniversary in a couple of weeks time, which has gone incredibly quickly. It is the longest proper relationship I have had, and by far the best one too. So much has happened in that year, and seeing as I became extremely unwell two months into it we seemed to have managed to get through it and any other things that have cropped up. We wont be doing anything major to mark the day, just spend what we can of it together. Which is all that really matters, fancy restuarants, gifts, are o;k but I have never been materialistic. To me spending time with him is far more important than any gift, money can’t buy time, togetherness nor love and that is what our day and celebration of the year will be about. 

🙂

 

Constantly waiting

No news about my results yet, oh I really don’t enjoy the constant waiting for results I have endured during the last year and a half.
I appreciate that I am just one of hundreds waiting daily, but results marked urgent obviously don’t mean the definition of the actual word. I can guarantee that I am told my results are ‘lost’ again, giving them three weeks to find them..

I spent most of my day in bed yesterday, I woke with tremendous back pain and couldn’t ease it no matter what I tried. My back had been niggling for a few days and decided to stop teasing and hit me in one fell swoop. This pain has become more and more of a problem in the last six months, it stops me sitting up for more than ten minutes at a time before it spreads upwards into my upper back, shoulder blades and ribs. Then downwards into my hips, knees and legs.
I posted a picture on Twitter showing how a body looks if you have severe fibro, and I can believe it. It’s easy to say you’re in pain, but to get the full picture is difficult for a lot of people to understand. Pictures like I posted show just half of the body and damage it causes daily.

I would be really interested to see an inside photo of my body and what it looks like. The MRI brain and spine scan I’m due to have, well I won’t get to see it but I would really like to. I feel that it’s my body, I have a right to see inside. I will request to look at the scans but I doubt they’ll let me, it can’t hurt to try though!

For now I am going to take some painkillers and morphine, the pain brought on by my back is getting a lil too much. I try never to take morphine as not only does it cause addiction but after awhile your body becomes used to it and requires more and more to help with pain. Today though, I may as well be taking smarties than pain meds so to the morphine I go..!