My health is still on a better keel, it’s been four days which to me is like a year! It feels good to have my body co ordinating together more instead of my limbs doing their own thing.
My brain though.. Well, I have no idea what is happening in that teeny thing 😉
Seriously though, it is one of my worse symptoms, the neuro damage that has and is still damaging it.
I feel as though my IQ has dropped to the lowest points, and I cannot think clearly at all.
My memory is shot, I am starting to forget things in the evening I have said/done in the morning or afternoon.
I’m still forgetting what objects are or what they’re used for. I couldn’t for the life of me remember how to make a cup of tea yesterday. I was stood there holding my mug without a clue of what to do next.
That scared me a little.
I’m used to not remembering what cutlery, blankets, other objects are but to totally forget how to make a drink I live on and make a lot was a bit of a shock.
This week my friend ‘phoned and said I’ve not heard from you about what time to pop over today, and I had no idea what he was talking about. He said I’d discussed him coming over a couple of days before, and I checked my texts and I had indeed done so. But I had and have no recollection of it.
My mum went to a friends wedding last weekend and despite me knowing about it for a few weeks before and wishing her a good time an hour before she went out, by the next day I had no recollection of the wedding or our conversation about it.
I can’t add properly anymore, it just becomes a jumble of numbers. I can’t read something without either struggling to remember what the words mean or what it was about.
I am now forgetting people’s names. Seriously, I forgot my friend of 20+ years. I had to look through my phone and then I still couldn’t remember what name was his. Or what half the peoples names were and who they were.
That scared me a lot.
I’m in a constant haze of confusion and trying to pretend I’m fine and having conversations that I’m struggling to actually create a sentence that makes sense. Laughing off the silly things I do or say or forget and making a joke out of it. But deep inside I am confused and alarmed.
I don’t know if the blindness in my eye and constant 24/7 throbbing headache is causing this increased neuro damage or it’s my swelling brain, or both.
I feel dumb, low in intelligence because I just can’t figure anything out as quickly as I used to or at all. I’m not saying I’m brain of Britain but I’ve certainly never been so unintelligent before.
It’s odd, and I do not like it.
I feel as though I’ve lost the ability to mentally function in a ‘normal’ way and spend my days and nights in confusion of what I’m doing, where I am, how to create sentences, think clearly, remember anything at all.
This is not ‘brain fog’, that term I hate as it doesn’t nick the corner of the damage neuro damage causes both physically and mentally.
I’ve no idea what it is but I’m seeing my dr on Monday and I’m going to mention it to her.
That is If I remember to take my pre written symptom notes I take to all appointments, or even remember that I have this problem at all.
Fibro and M.E 